By Faris Tanyos for KDRV
 
November 1, 2009
 
Grade: B
 
"Bob Woodward once said that the first rule of good journalism was never reveal the story before it goes to print... But Woodward wasn't in love with Francesca Fachini."
 
- Bobby Funke
 
There's nothing memorable about "Assassination of a High School President".
 
You won't hate it. You won't much like it either. You've probably seen it all before. The twist is like a dirty joke at a family dinner, obvious and unwarranted from minute one. I was, frankly, a little bored.
 
The unremarkable, sometimes rhymeless, reasonless script was written by Tim Caplin and Kevin Jakubowski, both PAs on South Park. I have almost no doubt they sat down and hammered this out after watching Rian Johnson's debut masterpiece "Brick" (2005), the film noir set in a high school with dialogue that flowed like honey.
 
Funke (Reece Thompson), who narrates AOFAHSP in that hardboiled detective sort of way, attends St. Donovan's High School. Funke's at the bottom of the totem pole looking up, facing the typical trials and tribulations of a typical movie-sophomore and typical self-proclaimed loser without a driver's license. So typical. Funke is desperate to make it on his school paper so he can put himself in the running for a summer journalism internship at Northwestern. He gets assigned a fluff piece on the high school president and King of the School/Basketball God Paul Moore (Patrick Taylor). Soon after, the SATs are stolen from Principal Kirkpatrick's (Bruce Willis) office. Kirkpatrick, an intimidating Desert Storm vet and loose cannon, fingers Funke and his band of losers for the crime, forcing Funke to find the real perpetrator. His investigation leads him to an unlikely criminal, Moore. Moore is ‘convicted', and suddenly, the tables turn for Funke. Moore's drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend Fachini (Mischa Barton) comes a calling, and Funke's fortunes take a turn. But why would Fachini go for him? And what of Moore's former friends, especially new President Marlon Piazza (Luke Grimes)? Of course, all is not what it seems. Was Moore really responsible for stealing the SATs?
 
There's the two obvious points: What the hell is Bruce Willis doing in this movie? And how does Mischa Barton (or Marissa Cooper) remain such an enigma? She's doomed, by her beauty, to play the role of the damsel, and has been consistently panned for her limited range. However, I think she's been unfairly stereotyped. She has an uncanny charm. Remember, it was her departure from "The OC" that led to its spiraling end. She's also in two of the greatest television scenes of all time:
 
1) The OC Season 2, Episode 1: The Distance. Ryan Atwood's left to take care of his pregnant girlfriend. Marissa's depressed. She's sitting by the pool. She's approached by Julie Cooper. They have it out. Then she throws her chair into the pool and just screams, I mean SCREAMS, for a good 6 seconds. It was riveting.
 
2) The OC Season 2 Episode 24: The Dearly Beloved. Ryan Atwood has just found out that his brother Trey physically abused Marissa. He goes to Trey's apartment to confront him. They fight. It looks like Trey is gonna beat Ryan to death. So Marissa grabs a gun and shoots Trey... just as Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" fades in. Trey grabs his chest and falls to the ground. Fade out. Powerful.
 
In short, I think Barton's been wrongly maligned. She's more talented than you think. Her acting may be restricted, but she is understated and underrated. She knows her limits and she never tests them. She does more with less. I don't think we've seen the last of her on the main stage. But I digress...
 
What intrigued me about AOAHSP was the idea of high school as a microcosm of society, and how valuable that has become in the storytelling realm. "Veronica Mars", the CW show that ran for three season between 2004-07, also about a high school sleuth, depicted this world brilliantly; The different cliques and social classes and structures and the complex interactions and how they foreshadow our lot in life...
 
I don't think we ever outgrow high school. I think it has a much deeper influence on our future than we'd like to believe. I wonder if, hypothetically, you were able to bring your entire class together, say 15 years later, but not just for a reunion, but for an extended period of time, like six months. Would you find people had really matured, or would they revert back to their old ways? Did those punks that ruthlessly ruled the school rule again? It comes back to the ultimate question: Do people really change? Or is it just the circumstances that change... and we're just along for the ride.
 
ftanyos@kdrv.com