By Faris Tanyos for KDRV
 
November 9, 2009
 
In the second season of "Mad Men" Roger Sterling walks in on Joan grieving the death of Marilyn Monroe. They have the following exchange:
 
Sterling: "It's a terrible tragedy, but that woman was a stranger... Roosevelt... I hated him, but I felt like I knew him."
 
Joan: "A lot of people felt like they knew her... This world destroyed her."
 
Sterling: "Did it? She's a movie star who had everything and everybody, and she threw it away."
 
Joan: "One day you'll lose someone who's very important to you. You'll see. It's very painful."
 
A half-century from now historians will pore over the endless minutiae of our decade and conjure a verdict.
 
They'll ruminate as to why the richest, most advanced nation on earth couldn't prevent a hurricane from laying waste to one of its most infamous cities; and how a tsunami that killed a quarter-of-a-million people in 11 nations rendered us helpless.
 
They'll ponder whether Obama should have taken a firmer stance on Ahmadinejad and Putin, and what it meant for his... here it cometh... legacy.
 
They'll examine a single September day that warped the foundation of the world forever and introduced us to a dreaded T-WORD that turned mankind on itself, against itself and lead us to distrust ourselves and anyone UNLIKE us because of a ghost of a man who has continued to outfox the most brilliant minds in the most expensive game of hide and seek in world history.
 
Biographers will question why Europe never stood up to W, and how that silence affected the forever volatile Middle East... and of course... his legacy...
 
Academics across the globe, and maybe Mars, will give-and-take as to why we were too stubborn and slow to action amid a population explosion that was straining our resources and killing our flora and fauna and warnings piled upon warnings of a worldwide warming that eventually forced all of Australia to pack up and move inland.
 
Sociologists and anthropologists will mull iPods and iPhones and cell phones and Blackberries and MySpace and Twitter and Facebook and eHarmony. Our grandchildren will learn about the birth of the internet and the birth of apathy and the death of empathy and why the words "interpersonal" and "community" no longer exist... Why mad, miserable people shooting innocent people in public places has become a bi-monthly ritual.
 
On VH1's "I Love the 00s" comedians will rant about "The Weakest Link" and "The Sopranos" and Borat and Bollywood and Seth Rogen, who in 50 years will probably still be making the same stoner movie about a loser cop who works in a mall. They'll joke about how we were all duped by "Paranormal Activity" in the same way that our parents were duped by "The Big Chill", and how television news crumbled under the smirk and wink of two sarcastic men on a network that shamelessly plugged itself as the hub of all things hilarious.
 
Yup, they'll be discussing all these issues; very important issues, very meaningful issues, with very powerful ramifications.
 
But they'll also be having Roger & Joan's conversation. They'll be having it out day-after-day at every dinner table across the planet.
 
Sterling was wrong to call Marilyn a stranger. And Joan was right to tell Sterling that "a lot of people felt like they knew her", because they did, whether they know it or not.
 
In "Before Sunset" Jesse tells Celine about a study done on lottery winners six months after they had won. Researchers found that those who were generally happy, content people before, were happy and content after. Those that were despondent and miserable before, were despondent and miserable after.
 
Circumstances don't dictate character, and they often don't define a psychological shift.
 
No matter how many cute slogans Obama comes up with or social barriers he hurdles or copies of "Audacity" he sells or young people he inspires or pedestals we build for him, he's still just a faraway public figure with very little influence or say in WHO I am and WHAT I am... Yes, maybe his decisions will affect my tax bracket or where I get my healthcare. And maybe I'll like his book and maybe I won't. Maybe I voted for him and maybe I didn't. Maybe a million college students will switch their major to political science in the same way a million switched to journalism after watching "All the President's Men"...
 
The colossal burdens of political leaders and the natural disasters and the terrorism and the high tech gadgets and the sway of artists are significant and substantial... but they are, to varying extents, beyond my control.
 
I cast one vote in millions. I buy one movie ticket. I purchase a cell phone because I don't want a landline. With the storm bearing down on me I evacuate my home. But the storm doesn't change WHO I AM, it just changes the CIRCUMSTANCES that surround me. Rose still would have picked Jack even if he was richer than Cal.
 
The same cannot be said of Britney Spears: She has transcended circumstance.
 
You see, we didn't create Obama or W or Judd Apatow or Bernie Madoff or Lauren Zalaznick or Norah al-Faiz or Stephen Colbert or Rick Warren or Steven Chu, or even Madonna or Michael Jackson.
 
But you d--- well better believe we created Britney Spears.
 
Then we passed judgment on her, and in doing so, unknowingly convicted ourselves. We outed ourselves. We showed OUR true colors. We showed OUR sick psychology. We showed OUR sick compulsions. We projected ourselves onto her, and then we flipped it, and allowed her to get into our heads.
 
Spears has revealed more about WHO we REALLY are then all the people mentioned above combined... They don't even come close. When the aliens invade they'll learn more about us by watching her music videos then every one of Obama & W's press conferences.
 
This damaged girl is trapped in her very own Truman Show, brought to her by us and for our gratification. Britney Spears wasn't being metaphorical when she said she was a "Slave For You". She is in a prison that no amount of money or success will ever get her out of. The pop prodigy is stuck in the middle world forever. She's not a girl or a woman. And she never will be either. And guess who put her there? We did. This one's on us compadres.
 
Joan was right. The world destroyed Marilyn. But not before it made her. And THAT is the tragedy of Britney Spears. We NEEDED to create her. We needed her. She was a product of our cruel minds. The state of the human condition is such that people take tremendous pleasure in watching more successful people collapse downward to OUR level. Don't believe me? Did you gloat during Bill Clinton's ‘apology'? Did you love it when that hypocrite Spitzer was brought down to size?
 
TMZ and Entertainment Tonight and Jerry Springer exist for ONE reason only: To satisfy our twisted addiction of watching people f--- up; to feel good about our crummy lives. Every time you visit MTV or Rolling Stone you WANT to be shocked. You're sure as hell not going there for spiritual enrichment.
 
I'm talking right now about a girl whose name has become the most abused punch line in history. We shook our heads when Spears shaved her head, EVEN THOUGH WE WERE HOLDING THE RAZOR.
 
This isn't about the dozens of students in my freshman dorm that had her iconic posters plastered all over the walls. We're beyond the ‘icon' stage. And this has nothing to do with her music or her talent.
 
The helicopters that viciously circled Spears' house when she was rushed to the emergency room weren't owned by the media. They were owned by us. Don't pass the buck. If news producers didn't know that you loved watching car crashes they wouldn't hustle out some poor b------ turned ambulance chaser to document some unlucky schmuck who booked it on the interstate.
 
How can a society with a justice system built on so many checks and balances allow one of its citizens to be completely and utterly destroyed in such a graphic and public manner? How can a supposedly compassionate nation, supposedly sophisticated, with hearts and minds, allow this, ENCOURAGE this? What turned us into such vultures?
 
Spears auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club when she was eight. She was "driven" they tell us. And her greedy parents were "driven" by her "drive". Where do you think her parents got the idea of exploiting their daughter into a cash cow? And that "drive" propelled her to the very top. She wanted fame and money, and that's nothing new. But she's the first person in world history to become humiliated and disgraced for turning into what society had envisioned for her. And the more she lashed out, and the more she reacted to something that she didn't understand and wasn't CAPABLE of understanding, the more blame we heaved on her shoulders for something that, frankly, has nothing to do with her and EVERYTHING to do with us.
 
Spears has sold over 80 million records in a decade. According to Forbes, she made $35 million in 2009. Was it worth it? Because I guarantee you she would give it all back in a second for a semblance of a normal life. But maybe she wouldn't, ‘cause maybe she doesn't even know what that entails. And that's not her fault.
 
What's happened to Britney Spears is our decade's greatest disgrace.
 
Simon Cowell didn't need a Eureka moment to come up with American Idol. Chad Hurley, Stephen Chen and Jawad Karim didn't brainstorm for too long before creating YouTube. The foundations for both were set by the Princess of Pop herself. Those two phenomena were inspired by our narcissism. American Idol isn't about ‘finding talent', it's about exhibitionism. YouTube thrives on the vain, self-absorbed need to be ‘heard' and ‘respected' by the world, even if we have nothing meaningful to say.
 
Twitter isn't a communication tool, friends. It's the height of vanity and egoism by a culture that's desperate for attention, any kind of attention. We're all Balloon Boys & Girls.
 
Spears is gonna be trotted out like a gladiator for the rest of her life. And we all purchased lifetime courtside tickets to witness the impending downfall. Oh, but of course, we would NEVER condone her behavior. But we're still allowed to heckle & cheer.
 
In a brilliant column that appeared in the Chicago Tribune in 2007 titled "Britney Spears is more than an idea", Leonard Pitts Jr. wrote this:
 
"... Life is not a show. But if we ever knew that, we forgot it in our rush to a day of ‘reality' television, tabloid journalism and famous-for-nothing celebrities. There is no reverence, no privacy, nothing held back as sacred. We ooh and ahh and laugh and point at the garbage of other lives, and forget that even the most famous person is still a person, not an idea.
 
Britney Jean Spears is not an idea. She's a 25-year-old mother of two who is coming apart at the seams. In public.
 
Go ahead and laugh if you want."
 
Pitts Jr. is wrong on this count.
 
Yes, Spears is a person. But whether we, or she, like it or not, she has very much become an idea. She has become her own philosophy.
 
She's been used and abused, and I feel for her. I really do, because she has been a victim in this entire scenario. She thinks that she is in control, and she's not. She thinks she's using her music and her lyrics as a way to fight back against the people that have branded her a wreck, as a way of establishing herself as a strong, independent woman; but all it does is further entrench her to her ill fate. What's even scarier is that many of her misguided fans, fans like Chris Crocker (Or maybe Crocker was deceptively and maliciously using Spears too further himself?) blindly believe that as well. But all she's doing is playing her part for the Truman Show. She's a puppet. She's being punished. And as Pitts Jr. says, we're all standing idly by and laughing. We're mocking her... and here's the rub... the joke is on us.
 
Joan reacted strongly to Marilyn's death because a piece of Marilyn was inside of her, because the idea of Marilyn had entered Joan's psyche. What did she tell Roger? "Someday you'll lose someone you care about."
 
A piece of Spears is inside our collective psyche. Maybe Spears will take the public fall. But one day, when we finally lose our courtside seats, our plunge off the cliff will be much more fatal.
 
The National Intelligence Council released a report last year, the Global Trends Review, which predicted that the U.S. would lose its unrivalled superpower status by 2025.
 
Rome didn't fall in a day. It happened slowly, over many generations. It happened from the inside out. Rome ultimately destroyed itself...
 
The U.S. was built on ideas, ideas of freedom and hope and peace, of absolute right and wrong. Noble ideas.
 
What happens when our nation gets so bored and trivial that it begins to amuse itself by preying on its own, by exploiting its own weak and vulnerable?
 
What has the idea that is Britney Spears done to our psychology?
 
That idea is why they'll still be talking about Britney Spears in 50 years, in 100 years.
 
And that is why she is the most important person of the decade.
 
Here's your Top 30:
 

30) Sparks - "(Baby, Baby) Can I Invade Your Country" (2006)
 
Brothers Ron and Russell Mael have released 22 albums since 1971. Their latest is titled "The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman". Seriously, that's what it's called. Prolific.
 
29) System of a Down - "Aerials" (2002)
 
Serj Tankian has the third best voice in rock this decade, behind only Scott Weiland and Liam Gallagher, and ahead of Chris Cornell. The way it breaks through at the beginning of "Aerials" is downright vicious.
 
28) John Mayer - "Comfortable" (1999, re-released in 2002)
 
Before John Mayer became John Mayer he wrote this poem about two girls. One is perfect and knows it. The other is ragged and knows it, but doesn't care. One "poses for pictures that aren't being taken." The other sports "grey sweatpants, no makeup":
 
"She says the Bible is all that she reads.
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was so dirty.
Life of the party,
And she swears that she's artsy,
But you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane."
 
27) Britney Spears - "Piece of Me" (2007)
Written by: Christian Karlsson, Pontus Winnberg and Klas Åhlund
 
Speak of the devil. Say what you (or I, apparently) will, but the Princess and her sophisticated production squadron understand that Spears is a product, a medium for their collective talents, and within the parameters of that understanding have come up with some remarkable songs: "Toxic", "If U Seek Amy", "Everytime", "Unusual You", "Me Against the Music".
 
But none come close to this. The writing duo of Bloodshy & Avant (Karlsson and Winnberg), who also wrote "Toxic", clearly realizes that with Spears it's about beats and melodies and hooks. "Piece of Me" doesn't disappoint in any of those categories. Let's not rehash the last 2,000 words, but if you recall what I said about Britney lashing out...
 
26) Stone Temple Pilots - "Sour Girl" (2000)
 
I saw STP the summer after the release of "No. 4". They opened for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and absolutely killed. It's still one of the best performances I've ever seen. Scott Weiland was an animal. He was damaged and weary and exhausted, just like this tune.
 
25) Matt Pond PA - "New Hampshire" (2004)
 
MPPA is melancholic without being tiresome.
 
I have a theory: Everything we do, our relationships, our careers, are about finding our way home. Until we do, we'll never really be at peace. If and when I do, I want this song to be playing in the background.
 
"At a table out in Bethel
When I was thirteen
The criminals were saying
Liked how I was silent
The cold was the container
For the sparseness of our speech
The expression in our hands
Was all that we'd need."
 
24) The Weepies - "Gotta Have You" (2006)
 
The Weepies are quite possibly the most underrated group of the decade. Their songs are soft and out of focus and smooth as silk, maybe too smooth. You've heard them in countless commercials and primetime soaps, but don't let that put you off. Their album "Say I Am You" deserves your undistracted attention.
 
23) Kaki King - "Life Being What It Is" (2008)
 
I saw Kaki King play this song at the Doug Fir in Portland. She had the flu and she was collapsed on a chair, huddled over her guitar, clutching it for dear life.
 
22) Brad Paisley with Alison Krauss- "Whiskey Lullaby" (2004)
Written by: Bill Anderson and Jon Randall
 
The story goes that Jon Randall's life was spiraling when he penned "Whiskey Lullaby".  He had gotten divorced and lost his record deal. He was depressed, and told his manager Monty Hitchcock, "I'm just feeling sorry for myself right now."
 
Hitchcock responded, "Hey man, every now and then you've got to put a bottle to your head and pull the trigger. Everybody does it."
 
21) Modest Mouse - "The World at Large" (2004)
 
My friend Tristan introduced me to Modest Mouse with "Paper Thin Walls" a few years before they blew up with "Good News for People Who Love Bad News." I've floated on ever since.
 
20) Oasis - "F-----' in the Bushes" (2000)
 
You won't appreciate the greatness of "F-----' In the Bushes" until you view the final 15 minutes of Guy Ritchie's "Snatch". It's not a very good movie; don't sit through the whole thing, just the scene when Mickey O'Neil knocks out the other boxer.
 
19) Pat Green - "Wave on Wave" (2003)
 
"Mile upon mile I got no direction.
We're all playing the same game
We're all looking for redemption
Just afraid to say the name."
 
I couldn't agree with Mr. Green more.
 
18) Stars - "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" (2005)
 
Two former lovers run into each other. They reminisce. They tell each other their relationship was insignificant:
 
"This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin,
You tried to reach deep but you never got in...
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save."
 
They go their separate ways. We should all be so lucky.
 
17) Rage Against the Machine - "Sleep Now in the Fire" (2000)
 
SNITF is the best hard rock song in a decade that has left much to be desired; and it came at the tail end of the last millennium. In fact, since Audioslave's self-titled debut in '02, there's been a rather magnanimous void. Let's hope the Creeds and the Nicklebacks go softly into that good night. We can't go anywhere but up from here.
 
16) Beck - "Lost Cause" (2002)
 
I've never been able to get into Beck, but I absolutely adore "Sea Change". And at this point in my life, no piece of music has resonated with me more.
 
15) Blink-182 - "I Miss You" (2004)
 
I saw Blink a few months ago on their reunion tour. I left half-way through the set. Besides Travis Barker, they were mediocre, and the things they told the audience in between songs were bizarrely juvenile; not something you would expect from a group of guys in their mid-to-late 30s, or a band that's been on top for 10 years. I was puzzled; I couldn't believe these were the same guys who wrote "Adam's Song" or "Stay Together for the Kids" or "Down". Regardless, I can't deny that "I Miss You" is a masterpiece. It's a beautiful song. It's just too bad, you know?
 
14) The Shins - "New Slang" (2001)
 
Never has a band so completely owed their commercial success to single movie scene as much as The Shins owe Zach Braff and "Garden State". If you don't know what I'm talking about, how Sam gives Andrew her headphones in the doctor's office, I want you to stop reading this, get up, and head to Blockbuster. Now. Chop, Chop.
 
13) OutKast - "Bombs over Baghdad" (2000)
 
In the dictionary, next to the word ‘foreshadow', you'll find a picture of a man with...
 
12) Death Cab for Cutie - "I Will Follow You into the Dark" (2006)
 
"In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule,
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black.
And I held my tongue as she told me
'Son, fear is the heart of love'
So I never went back."
 
No one wants to walk through death's door alone. And to know that someone would rather follow you into death than continue living without you; that's the pinnacle, isn't it? That's what it boils down to, everything else fades away.
 
Ben Gibbard is the greatest lyricist of the decade, and his ability to write prose that resonates with our fears without scaring us is inimitable.
 
11) Radiohead - "Idioteque" (2000)
 
What is there to say about Radiohead that hasn't already been said? After 24 years, the well still hasn't run dry for Thom Yorke, and I doubt it ever will.
 
10) Adele - "Hometown Glory" (2008)
 
There's been a slew of cracking female artists from across the pond over the last couple years that include Lily Allen, Kate Nash, Imogen Heap and this chick, who, has a sound that cuts through the din and gets to your core. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown reportedly sent her a letter that read: "With the troubles that the country's in financially, you're a light at the end of the tunnel."
 
9) My Morning Jacket - "Librarian" (2008)
 
The other day Monsieur Will Southwood sent me the transcript of Seinfeld's "The Library" episode, when Jerry is confronted by Mr. Bookman, the Library Cop:
 
"Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards. Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella."
 
This song is a pretty darn good companion piece.
 
8) Eminem featuring Dido - "Stan" (2000)
 
I'm not one for award shows. But Eminem and Elton John performing "Stan" at the Grammy Awards was mesmerizing. Elton wrote this for Rolling Stone:
 
"Eminem is a true poet of his time, someone we'll be talking about for decades to come. He tells stories in such a powerful and distinctive way. As a lyricist, he's one of the best ever. Eminem does for his audience what Dylan did for his: He writes how he feels. His anger, vulnerability and humor come out. That's why we look forward to listening to Eminem's lyrics and finding out where the hell he's headed next."
 
7) Diane Birch - "Magic View" (2009)
 
If you haven't heard of Birch, don't worry, you will. Her next album is gonna be mega.
 
6) Colin Hay - "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin" (2001)
 
My all-time favorite song is Colin Hay's "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You". The former lead singer of "Men at Work" has carved out a worthy solo career. There's a rustiness, an echo to his music that instantly transforms him into a storyteller; with a story that I desperately need to hear.
 
5) Turin Brakes - "Rain City" (2003)
 
I've probably listened to "Rain City" five-hundred times, and I'll probably listen to it 5,000 more before I drop dead. It never gets old.  Never.
 
4) Imogen Heap - "Hide and Seek" (2005)
 
I saw the former member of Frou Frou perform this in a crowded downtown Portland music shop that has since shut down, courtesy of our friends at iTunes. She had her laptops and synthesizers and modulators or whatever those machines are. The story behind the album "Speak for Yourself" is gutsy. Heap re-mortgaged her flat to pay for the equipment and production and released it without a label in the UK; and the gamble paid off.
 
There are a lot of songs that sound exactly like a lot of other songs because as "Swingers" Mike says, "everyone steals from everyone", eh? But there has never been, and there will never be, a song like "Hide and Seek". It's on its own plain.
 
3) Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Road Trippin'" (2000)
 
The Red Hot Chili Peppers are on a short list of bands that frustrate me to no end. It's not that they're terrible, by no means. It's that they've shown the potential to make absolutely phenomenal music, but for some reason are content to wallow in above-averageness. Also on the list are Green Day and Blink.
 
In the 90s the Peppers wrote the brilliant "My Friends" and "Under the Bridge", but "Californication" was the closest the Peppers have come to a complete album. The very last tune on the disc is this one, and it's a masterwork. It is the most nostalgic song I know. If "New Hampshire" wants you to find your way home, "Road Trippin'" wants you to remain lost forever.
 
2) Iron and Wine - "The Trapeze Swinger" (2005)
 
Samuel Beam wrote this nine-and-a-half minute ode of memories for the film "In Good Company". I could spend a couple paragraphs describing it to you, and trying to explain the affect that it has on me when I hear it, but that would be a waste of time. I'll say this: If you don't cry at least once the first time you listen to this song, your heart is made of stone. (You can hear a live version by downloading his 2007 concert at Washington D.C.'s 9:30 Club off NPR.)
 
1) Johnny Cash - "Hurt" (2003)
Written by Trent Reznor
 
Cash's cover of "Hurt" is the most guttural song ever recorded. It's the most painful song ever recorded.
 
In an interview with "Alternative Press" Reznor said this:
 
"... A videotape shows up with Mark Romanek's video on it. It's morning; I'm in the studio in New Orleans working on Zack de la Rocha's record with him; I pop the video in, and... Wow. Tears welling, silence, goose-bumps... Wow. I just lost my girlfriend, because that song isn't mine anymore. Then it all made sense to me. It really made me think about how powerful music is as a medium and art form. I wrote some words and music in my bedroom as a way of staying sane; about a bleak and desperate place I was in, totally isolated and alone. Some f------ how that winds up reinterpreted by a music legend from a radically different era and genre, and still retains sincerity and meaning; different, but every bit as pure."
 
ftanyos@kdrv.com